ADULT CHILDREN AND PARENTS MEDIATION

If you have been impacted by the arrival of your adult “boomerang” child or children you might like to consider mediation. You may be an adult child(ren) and are encountering issues since returning to the family home.

Mediation is a non-judgement, impartial service. In my experience the issues which are causing such an impact on the lives of the parents and the adult children, can be easily resolved through mediation. I find that when the family members agree to sit down together in the safe environment of a mediation session the issues can be dealt with in one session, or at the most in two sessions.

I have a lot of experience in this area and I would be glad to send you details. It is an inexpensive service and the families I have worked with all agree that they got a win-win result.

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SIBLINGS MEDIATION AND FAMILY CONFLICT

It is good that so many siblings and families are attending mediation to resolve conflicts. When the parties agree to attend and agree to the ground rules it is almost guaranteed that they will reach a resolution.

There is a cost for the parties and their extended families when conflict is on-going. All of the siblings\families who successfully completed mediation with me agreed that there was a weight lifted off their shoulders when they reached agreement.

As a mediator the surprising thing is that in the vast majority of cases, only one session is required – in siblings\family conflict cases.

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ANXIETY – AND THE PERSONAL DISTRESS YOU SUFFER

If you are having a lot of personal distress due to anxiety maybe you would like to attend for counselling. Your anxiety may be associated with nausea, headaches or anger. You may also find you are drinking a lot of alcohol or smoking weed to help you with anxiety. You may have been prescribed drugs to relieve your anxiety but do not want to stay on them forever. The good news is that with a few sessions you can learn techniques that will help you obtain relief from anxiety without the need for drugs. You just need to make the choice to retrain your brain and the results are so worth it.

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GAY AND LESBIAN MEDIATION – DUBLIN CITY CENTRE

If you are in a same-sex relation and you know that your relationship is over and you would like things to be amicably in relation to children, property, finances, pets and personal belongings you might like to consider mediation.

During mediation, parties are encouraged to discuss all of the issues and explore the various options which they have to resolve their differences.

Same sex couples who take part in Mediation are choosing to take charge of their lives. Using mediation reduces the anger associated with the break up. With mediation, the couple are able to discuss what they think is fair, and what solutions could allow them to part ways with respect and emotional closure. Mediation helps couples to keep talking until they find solutions that work for both of them. The aim of mediation is for both parties to feel they have arrived at a win-win situation.

My role as a mediator is not to take sides, not to sit in judgement, not to make decisions. The Mediation Process is based on the idea that the parties themselves are capable of arriving at a mutually acceptable resolution with the help of a Mediator.

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COUNSELLING & PSYCHOTHERAPY HOME VISIT SERVICE – DUBLIN

If you would like to attend counselling and want to learn techniques to help you but are unable to leave your home to attend therapy due to:
• Agoraphobia – fear of leaving your home
• Ill-health or disability
• You are a new mum – and have problems getting a babysitter
• Or any other reason
Home Visit Counselling is available in Dublin
I use evidence-based approaches including:
• CBT – Cognitive-behaviour Therapy
• Solution-Focused Therapy
• Person-Centered Therapy
• Mindfulness – for Stress Reduction

Alternatively, you might like to avail of the SKYPE counselling sessions

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GAMBLING ADDICTION

Recently I was in my local garage buying petrol and the newspaper and the assistant asked me if I wanted to do the lotto. I said “I do not gamble”. I thought of those with a gambling addiction facing this every time they filled up with petrol. Unlike other European countries, every pub in Ireland seems to have a betting shop beside it. A friend told me he was in a pub – which does not have a betting shop beside it – and there was a man in the pub with a laptop taking bets. Last year, I went to the country tracing my family tree and we went into a pub for a coffee. There was a one-arm bandit machine and from the time we went in a man was feeding money into it. Us three were the only customers. Every now and then the man would get change of a €20 and keep feeding the machine. There was a rugby match on the tv which distracted us. Then a woman and a young boy entered the pub and tried to get him to leave but he would not. The young man behind the counter saw all this and when the woman and child left he gave the man change of another €20. We were so uncomfortable we had to leave.

Gambling is socially acceptable is considered harmless. Reasons for becoming a gambling addict are many – although some feel it is hereditary – although I have worked with gamblers who said no one in the family gambled. I would say – as far as they know – no one gambled – but there is a lot of secrecy in families.

It is so easy to gamble now – with online gambling – online bingo etc

Gambling fills a void – it gives a person control over one area in their live – the frightening thing is it can develop gradually – the rare winning keeps the person going

Side effects: depression – psychosomatic illness – cannot concentrate on work or on family – and in severe cases can lead to suicidal thoughts or even suicide attempts

The good news is any one with a gambling addiction can make a choice to STOP

Help is available from
http://www.gambleaware.ie 1800 753 753

or if you need one-to-one brief solution focused therapy or psychotherapy – please contact me

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SKYPE COUNSELLING – DIFFERENCE BETWEEN IN-PERSON AND ON-SCREEN

I had concerns about SKYPE counselling – the difference between in-person and on-screen. Would the clients on-screen feel safe to disclose? Would the therapeutic relationship/connection take place as quickly as it would in the room? I was very glad to discover that these concerns were unjustified. It is particularly useful for issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, relationship issues and bereavement, where solution focused therapy can be used alongside conventional psychotherapy. It offers clients who live a long way from a therapist, who have time or family restraints and those from other countries an opportunity to avail of therapy. I feel very privileged to live in an era where it is possible to work as a therapist using the medium of SKYPE.

I found Gillian Isaacs Russell book Screen Relations: The Limits of Computer-Mediated Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy very interesting. I would agree with her for the need for more research in this area.

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The harmful effects of bullying

Last summer I wrote a blog post about bullying. It covered the impact on adults who were bullied as children. It also referred to adults who had to admit they were bullies in school.

Some people contacted me after this blog sharing their stories of being bullied. Others mentioned that they found it difficult to confront the fact that they were bullies in school.

Jenny contacted me and asked me to share this website which describes the physical and mental effects of bullying. I found this post very interesting and I hope you do too.

The Appalling Mental & Physical Impact Of Bullying

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IMPACT OF CHILDHOOD BULLYING

Bullying in childhood gets media coverage and attention. On the other hand,the impact for adults who endured bullying in childhood and adults who now recognise that they were in fact bullies when in school get very little media attention. Understandably there is a psychological impact of bullying but recent studies have show that there is the possibility of physical illness in later life.
www.scientificamerican.com/article/health-impact-of-childhood-bullying-can-last-a-lifetime/

In a 2014 study by Kings college London, they found that the impact of childhood bullying was still evident after 40 years. http://www.kcl.ac.uk/ioppn/news/records/2014/April/Impact-of-childhood-bullying-still-evident-after-40-years.aspx

On the other hand, some adults have reported low self esteem and guilt after being challenged as a bully by former school friends who went on to tell them the impact of the bullying. Some of these adults who were challenged as bullies reported they had just been joking to gain popularity with other students – albeit at another students expense. This would tie in with Rodkin, 2011 research who found that many bullies were popular with other students and staff who could not believe the reports of bullying.

Ref:Bullying–And the Power of Peers.PC Rodkin – Educational Leadership, 2011 – ERIC

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COGNITIVE BEHAVIOUR THERAPY

Most people admit that they often imagine the worse, put themselves down, mind read and use the word “guilty” and “I should” If you recognise yourself having these thoughts you might like to try CBT interventions which are evidence based to be helpful.

One important intervention is learning to relax – through deep breathing – and staying in the present moment with mindfulness.

Another is learning to solve problems and setting realistic goals for yourself.

Another is engaging in enjoyable activities such as hobbies – playing an instrument is particularly useful – social activities and exercise – such as walking

Many clients report that recognising and challenging negative and irrational thoughts and keeping track of feelings, thoughts and behaviours is very beneficial for them

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